Here are some examples and descriptions to help us understand the different kinds of violence experienced by women and children in domestic violence situations.
It's important to know that we don't class the types of violence on a scale of seriousness or danger. Also, there's no correlation between the amount of types of violence used and the effect they have on the victims. All forms of violence have consequences, often the same consequences, on the women and children who suffer it. It's best to avoid comparing the different situations by judging some as bad and others as less serious. Each woman is unique, and each situation is unique, as are the consequences.
Verbal violence
Can be interruptions, blackmail, orders, insults or sarcasm. No physical contact has been made, yet the verbal violence has done its work, has creating unbearable tension and maintaining a state of fear, insecurity and self-doubt.
Examples :
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"If you leave, I'll make you regret it …"
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"Do you really think anyone's going to believe you? "
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"You look like a whore dressed like that. "
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"You can be really stupid sometimes. "
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"You shouldn't talk when we go out, you're an idiot soon as you open your mouth. "
Psychological violence
(HERE, link with tool: Construction-deconstruction of self-esteem)
This is the hardest to pinpoint as it's so subtle and crafty. It's a series of attitudes and insulting, humiliating comments. It gradually undermines one's confidence and self-esteem. Manipulation and sulking are examples of psychological violence.
Examples :
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"You can't even raise kids like everyone else. "
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He sulks, talks behind my back, ignores me, etc.
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"Look at you. Nobody's interested in you. "
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Every evening he says the food I make is inedible.
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He criticizes everything I do and everything I don't do.
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One day he says one thing, the next day he says the opposite and denies he ever said anything different. Is it me who's crazy?
Economic violence
A way of dominating the woman by depriving her of money and items needed to run the household. The woman's economic activities are controlled and monitored so she can't take any decisions, regardless of whether she has a job or not.
Examples :
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He takes out loans without telling me. He puts the line of credit in my name.
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I have to sign any documents he likes, otherwise he has a fit. He shouts that I don't trust him, I know nothing about money, etc.
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He spends endless amounts on his truck, his fishing gear, going out with his pals, but if I spend anything, he says it's too much, I'm wasteful – even if it's going on groceries or things the kids need.
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I have to give him my wages, because he says I don't know how to pay bills. I don't know how much money we have. He gives me an allowance for my personal expenses.
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I can spend as much as I like … but he won't let me forget it …
Physical violence
Physical violence is often the most visible and most blatant. But it's much more than beating someone. You must never trivialize threats of violence, because threats can mean your safety is at risk. We have to watch for the signs. By reporting what we see, we can make a difference.
Examples :
Social violence
The partner tries to isolate the woman from her family and friends. He might begin to compromise the woman's character in order to undermine her feelings and discredit her in the eyes of her family and friends. He might also choose to be really nice with her family and friends, so when the victim needs to confide in them about the way she's being treated, they won't believe such a nice guy could be so nasty. Whatever the method used, the aim is always to dismantle the woman's social network. Similarly, a violent partner might also get the woman to lose or quit her job, or quit her studies. The direct consequences are a dramatic reduction of her social network, loss of financial independence, and often the loss of a source of self-affirmation and accomplishment.
Examples :
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When we go out, he's so unpleasant that I'm ashamed of him.
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He's always finding excuses for us not to see my friends and family.
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When I go out with my friends or family things get so tense between me and him that I no longer want to see anyone.
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He brings his friends over, even though he knows I don't like them. He also puts me down in front of them.
Sexual violence
This kind of violence within a relationship is still a taboo subject, hard for women to expose and talk about. It's violence if he forces you to have sexual relations with him or with others. Whether married or not, in a relationship or not, being forced to have sex is a sexual assault or even rape. Sexual violence takes other forms, given below, that have a strong impact on the victims.
Examples :
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Makes me watch or look at pornography or pornographic images.
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Refuses to have sex but calls me a nymphomaniac if I initiate sex.
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Humiliates me during sex, calling me a whore, bitch, etc.
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Makes me do positions I'm uncomfortable with.
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If I don't do what he wants, he sulks.
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Refuses to use a condom, despite the risks.
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I have to give him oral sex for grocery money.
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Sometimes I have sex with him just so he'll leave me alone for a week.
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